he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
