If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
did i walk over a car last night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
