it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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