No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
