i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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