ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my liver is dry heaving
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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