I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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