I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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