You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
