I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
