Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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