ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
