id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
