I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
