I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
