The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
