Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
