i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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