I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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