She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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