So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
