i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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