Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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