Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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