You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
