Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize