The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
