I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know her cup size but not her name....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
