I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize