if you like me you must not know who I am
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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