Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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