He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
