sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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