You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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