you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i out mim tonsoeep
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