I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
