God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
