Soap is not a condiment
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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