So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
