hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize