I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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