I need to stop coming to work sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
