Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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