I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
