Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
