I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
