I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
