I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
