i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
