dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
