Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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