I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
