sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
