I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Quick, to the slutcave!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there is puke in my bra ... again
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