he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
