am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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