Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
