Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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