Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
