Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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