I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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