Me too!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
