I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
