When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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