Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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