Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
