Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
