guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
