Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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