"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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