I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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